Long time between posts, I know.
Much has happened in the last year, but to sum up: Life is good.
Credit cards paid off (WHOO!), adopted two new kittens (whoo hoo! http://mywobblykittens.blogspot.ca), and finally made some headway into my theatre/film work. I am working harder than ever, but feeling like something is around the corner that will reward this tenacity if I can just keep hanging on...
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
That was supposed to be my life.
It is an unsettling feeling to discover that a stranger has been living your life for the last 3 years and you knew nothing about it.
I wanted him. I wanted to be with him.
I wanted a home, and a family, and a love and a life with him.
I wanted him.
And she had everything I wanted. She had him. She shared a home, and a family, and a bed and a life with him. She had everything because she had him.
And she didn't want him.
But he didn't want me. Until he was no longer wanted by her.
Irony is a cruel, cruel master. My heart is flawed, and my spine of all sensitivity has been wrought under the pain of delusion.
They say I am young, that there is a forest yet for me to trek. But truly, tonight, I feel that it is not better to have loved and lost than never loved at all. Sometimes it is better we had never met at all.
I wanted him. I wanted to be with him.
I wanted a home, and a family, and a love and a life with him.
I wanted him.
And she had everything I wanted. She had him. She shared a home, and a family, and a bed and a life with him. She had everything because she had him.
And she didn't want him.
But he didn't want me. Until he was no longer wanted by her.
Irony is a cruel, cruel master. My heart is flawed, and my spine of all sensitivity has been wrought under the pain of delusion.
They say I am young, that there is a forest yet for me to trek. But truly, tonight, I feel that it is not better to have loved and lost than never loved at all. Sometimes it is better we had never met at all.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Fighting for my Feline Friend.
Nothing is more humbling or humanizing an experience than caring for a sick person. Drugs, tests, and procedures aside, it is the emotional energy that costs the most as you willingly deliver every day in the hopes it can translate into health for your loved one.
By society’s standards, Joe is not a person. Under the law, his life is worth less than a human’s, but to anyone who has been lucky enough to be touched (or groomed) by this courageous feline knows that nothing could be further from the truth.
In Canada, we are lucky that should we fall ill there is a government system in place to help us recover. We are, so they believe, intrinsically valuable as citizens and as living creatures; our health is a right, not a privilege.
How many humans do I see on a daily basis who squander their health, take it for granted, revel in their sickness, identify with their illness, and do not want to get well? How many take pleasure in complaining about hardships, thrive on the attention, and lose their independence from the condition of “sick”?
And how many non-human animals take their lives for granted? How many non-human animals do not live exist fully in each and every moment?
No one is better suited for complete life fulfillment and appreciation than our smaller brothers and sisters, yet they are considered second-class citizens with lives less valuable than yours or mine: “Property”; “Accessories”; “Means to an End”, and not an End in and of themselves.
Joe has been with me on a daily basis the last four years, a constant example and guide for living simply, loving grandly, and always respecting life. He is worthy of every good thing life has to offer.
As humans we feel the need to please others, to constantly measure ourselves against their opinions of us. We want to be liked. We want to be loved. I’m sure that need and desire for acceptance will always be there, but I have found that as I grow more to respect my own body, my own life, breath and energy, there is no one’s opinion of me I value as much as Joe’s.
Since Joe was diagnosed with an abdominal mass two weeks ago (almost certainly, and tragically, lymphoma), I have constantly battled with doubts -- about my abilities as a healer, his abilities to heal -- but Joe has never wavered in his faith in me. I hope I can learn quickly enough to also be that strong for his sake.
By society’s standards, Joe is not a person. Under the law, his life is worth less than a human’s, but to anyone who has been lucky enough to be touched (or groomed) by this courageous feline knows that nothing could be further from the truth.
In Canada, we are lucky that should we fall ill there is a government system in place to help us recover. We are, so they believe, intrinsically valuable as citizens and as living creatures; our health is a right, not a privilege.
How many humans do I see on a daily basis who squander their health, take it for granted, revel in their sickness, identify with their illness, and do not want to get well? How many take pleasure in complaining about hardships, thrive on the attention, and lose their independence from the condition of “sick”?
And how many non-human animals take their lives for granted? How many non-human animals do not live exist fully in each and every moment?
No one is better suited for complete life fulfillment and appreciation than our smaller brothers and sisters, yet they are considered second-class citizens with lives less valuable than yours or mine: “Property”; “Accessories”; “Means to an End”, and not an End in and of themselves.
Joe has been with me on a daily basis the last four years, a constant example and guide for living simply, loving grandly, and always respecting life. He is worthy of every good thing life has to offer.
As humans we feel the need to please others, to constantly measure ourselves against their opinions of us. We want to be liked. We want to be loved. I’m sure that need and desire for acceptance will always be there, but I have found that as I grow more to respect my own body, my own life, breath and energy, there is no one’s opinion of me I value as much as Joe’s.
Since Joe was diagnosed with an abdominal mass two weeks ago (almost certainly, and tragically, lymphoma), I have constantly battled with doubts -- about my abilities as a healer, his abilities to heal -- but Joe has never wavered in his faith in me. I hope I can learn quickly enough to also be that strong for his sake.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Welcome
New blog, new life, new thoughts.
Welcome to the Black Circle of Rain, portal for all things music/art/culture/weird/strange/amazing/etc. filtered through my own consciousness. Mainly, I foresee this to be a music blog in relation to my zine The Wolfnotebook.
I encourage your passion and creativity. I do not encourage your bigotry and negativity.
I want you to be a part of my world, and I to be a part of yours. I want us to be joined by the love of music and art. I want us to be joined by the fantasticality of life.
Welcome to the Black Circle of Rain, portal for all things music/art/culture/weird/strange/amazing/etc. filtered through my own consciousness. Mainly, I foresee this to be a music blog in relation to my zine The Wolfnotebook.
I encourage your passion and creativity. I do not encourage your bigotry and negativity.
I want you to be a part of my world, and I to be a part of yours. I want us to be joined by the love of music and art. I want us to be joined by the fantasticality of life.
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